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Men's Rules

Rule # 1 - Anything we said six or eight months ago is inadmissible in an argument. Comments become null and void after seven days.

Rule # 2 - If you don't want to dress like Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

Rule # 3 - If we say something that can be interpreted in two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other way.

Rule # 4 - It is in neither your best interest or ours to make us take those stupid Cosmo quizzes together.

Rule # 5 - Let us ogle. If we don't look at other women how can we know how pretty you are?

Rule # 6 - Don't rub the lamp if you don't want the genie to come out

Rule # 7 - You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you  want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

Rule # 8 - Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials or time-outs.

Rule # 9 - Christopher Columbus didn't need directions and neither do we.

Rule # 10 - Women who wear Wonder bras and low-cut blouses lose their right to complain about having their boobs stared at.

Rule # 11 - When we're turning the wheel and the car is nosing onto the off ramp, you saying "This is our exit" is not necessary.

Rule # 12 - Don't fake it. We'd rather be ineffective than deceived.

Rule # 13 - Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up,put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

Rule # 14 - Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

Rule # 15 - Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

Rule # 16 - Crying is blackmail.

Rule # 17 - Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

Rule # 18 - Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

Rule # 19 - Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

Rule # 20 - If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

Rule # 21 - ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.  Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit.  We have no idea what mauve is.

Rule # 22 - If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong.  We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

Rule # 23 - If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

Rule # 24 - Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.

Rule # 25 - You have enough clothes.

Rule # 26 - You have too many shoes.

Rule # 27 - I am in shape. Round is a shape.

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