Rule # 1 - Anything we said six or eight
months ago is inadmissible in an argument. Comments become null and void
after seven days.
Rule # 2 - If you don't want to dress like
Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.
Rule # 3 - If we say something that can
be interpreted in two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry,
we meant the other way.
Rule # 4 - It is in neither your best interest
or ours to make us take those stupid Cosmo quizzes together.
Rule # 5 - Let us ogle. If we don't look
at other women how can we know how pretty you are?
Rule # 6 - Don't rub the lamp if you don't
want the genie to come out
Rule # 7 - You can either
ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you
already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
Rule # 8 - Whenever possible, please say
whatever you have to say during commercials or time-outs.
Rule # 9 - Christopher Columbus didn't
need directions and neither do we.
Rule # 10 - Women who wear Wonder bras
and low-cut blouses lose their right to complain about having their boobs
Rule # 11 - When we're turning the wheel
and the car is nosing onto the off ramp, you saying "This is our exit"
is not necessary.
Rule # 12 - Don't fake it. We'd rather
be ineffective than deceived.
Rule # 13 -
Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up,put it down. We
need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving
Rule # 14 - Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of
the tides. Let it be.
Rule # 15 - Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are
never going to think of it that way.
Rule # 16 - Crying is
Rule # 17 - Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle
hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just
Rule # 18 - Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every
Rule # 19 - Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it.
That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
Rule # 20 - If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask
Rule # 21 - ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for
example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea
what mauve is.
Rule # 22 - If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act
like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth
Rule # 23 - If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect
an answer you don't want to hear.
Rule # 24 - Don't ask us what
we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as
baseball, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.
Rule # 25 - You have
Rule # 26 - You have too many shoes.
Rule # 27 - I am in shape.
Round is a shape.