The Most
Interesting Man Johnathan Goldsmith |
| He gave his father "the talk" His passport requires no photograph When he drives a car off the lot, its price increases in value His Cinco de Mayo party starts on the 8th of March His feet don't get blisters, but his shoes do He once went to the psychic, to warn her He can speak Russian… in French He never says something tastes like chicken.. not even chicken Superman has pajamas with his logo His tears can cure cancer, too bad he never cries The circus ran away to join him Bear hugs are what he gives bears He once brought a knife to a gunfight… just to even the odds When he meets the Pope, the Pope kisses his ring If he were to visit the dark side of the moon, it wouldn't be dark He once won a staring contest with his own reflection He can kill two stones with one bird His signature won a Pulitzer When a tree falls in a forest and no one is there, he hears it He once got pulled over for speeding, and the cop got the ticket The dark is afraid of him Sharks have a week dedicated to him His ten gallon hat holds twenty gallons No less than 25 Mexican folk songs have been written about his beard He once made a weeping willow laugh He lives vicariously through himself His business card simply says 'I'll Call You" He once taught a german shepherd how to bark in spanish He bowls overhand In museums, he is allowed to touch the art He is allowed to talk about the fight club He once won a fist fight, only using his beard He once won the Tour-de-France, but was disqualified for riding a unicycle A bird in his hand is worth three in the bush His lovemaking has been detected by a seismograph The Holy Grail is looking for him Roses stop to smell him He is on the upgrade list for flights he hasn't even checked into He once started a fire using only dental floss and water His sweat is the cure for the common cold Bigfoot tries to get pictures of him Werewolves are jealous of his beard He once turned a vampire into a vegetarian He once won the world series of poker using UNO cards He never wears a watch because time is always on his side He has taught old dogs a variety of new tricks He has won the lifetime achievement award… twice If opportunity knocks, and he's not at home, opportunity waits Batman watches Saturday morning cartoons about him When he was young he once sent his parents to his room He once had an awkward moment, just to see how it feels His beard alone has experienced more than a lesser man’s entire body His blood smells like cologne On every continent in the world, there is a sandwich named after him. His hands feel like rich brown suede Mosquitoes refuse to bite him purely out of respect He is fluent in all languages, including three that he only speaks Once while sailing around the world, he discovered a short cut Panhandlers give him money When he goes to Spain, he chases the bulls His shadow has been on the 'best dressed' list twice When he holds a lady's purse, he looks manly Two countries went to war to dispute HIS nationality When in Rome, they do as HE does His pillow is cool on BOTH sides The Nobel Academy was awarded a prize from HIM He taught Chuck Norris martial arts Time waits on no one, but him Once he ran a marathon because it was "on the way" His mother has a tattoo that says "Son" The star on his Christmas tree is tracked by NASA Presidents take his birthday off His shirts never wrinkle He has never walked into a spider web He is left-handed. And right-handed The police often question him, just because they find him interesting His organ donation card also lists his beard He doesn’t believe in using oven mitts, nor potholders His cereal never gets soggy. It sits there, staying crispy, just for him If he were to say something costs an arm and a leg, it would If he were to mispronounce your name you would feel compelled to change it He’s never lost a game of chance When he has a 50/50 shot odds are 80/20 in his favor His words carry weight that would break a less interesting man's jaw He is the life of parties that he has never attended He was on a recent archaeological dig and came across prehistoric foot prints that lead out of Africa into all parts of the world. On close inspection, it turned out that the prints were his He once caught the Loch Ness Monster….with a cane pole, but threw it back He played a game of Russian Roulette with a fully loaded magnum, and won Freemasons strive to learn HIS secret handshake If he was to pat you on the back, you would list it on your resume He is considered a national treasure in countries he’s never visited Cars look both ways for him, before driving down a street He once tried to acquire a cold just to see what it felt like, but it didn’t take He has inside jokes with people he’s never met He once took a trip to the Virgin Islands. Now they're just called "The Islands" His ten gallon hat holds twenty gallons If he were to punch you in the face you would have to fight off a strong urge to thank him Once a rattlesnake bit him, after 5 days of excruciating pain, the snake finally died His friends call him by his name, his enemies don't call him anything because they are all dead Whatever side of the tracks he's currently on is the right side, even if he crosses the tracks he'll still be on the right side He has never waited 15 minutes after finishing a meal before returning to the pool His garden maze is responsible for more missing persons than the bermuda triangle His only regret is he has never had any regrets |
Nation Visitors Since March 8, 2013