Beam me up!

James A, Traficant 1998 One Minute Speeches .

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ACCIDENTAL HOSPITAL DEATHS ARE HIGHER THAN ACCIDENTAL GUN DEATHS

Mr. Speaker, accidental deaths caused by doctors and hospitals in America reached 120,000 per year.  Meanwhile, gun deaths have dropped 35 percent. In fact, accidental gun deaths dropped to 1,500 last year.

Think about it. We have got hospitals slicing and dicing American people like Freddie Kruger, and Congress is passing more gun laws. Beam me up. There is something wrong in America when one is 80 times more likely to be killed by a doctor than Smith & Wesson. Think about it, 80 to 1. Maybe we need a gun in surgery.

I yield back the fact that the second amendment was not written to cover just duck hunters.

Madam Speaker, the Tax Code must go.

Our labor, our savings, our investments all taxed. Our boat, our goat, our vote all taxed. Our sweat, our thrift, our future all taxed.

Beam me up. Tax this.

It is time to replace the socialist Income Tax Code in America with a simple flat 15 percent sales tax.

No more forms, no more lawyers, no more accountants, no more IRS and, once again, Congress will restore liberty, true liberty, in America.

I yield back with the slogan `the Tax Code must go.'

Madam Speaker, the CEO of the Bank of New York has admitted to laundering $7 billion; and bingo, surprise, surprise, $5 billion of it is expected to be Russian dollars that they got from the International Monetary Fund.

Now, if that is not enough to barf up your vodka, the investigators say, in addition to that, Russian politicians have secretly stolen $15 billion, diverted them to bank accounts all over the world, and most of the money came from Uncle Sam.

Unbelievable, Uncle Sam giving billions to Russia to dismantle their nukes. They do not dismantle their nukes. They sell their nukes to Iran and China. China then aims them at us. Russia comes back, asks us for more money, the White House gives more billions.

Beam me up. I say it is time to stop the cash cow for Russia.

Madam Speaker, I yield back all the cash the Russian politicians have been stealing from the American taxpayers.

Mr. Speaker, a study finally admits, and I quote, `America's borders are so wide open, terrorists could easily smuggle a nuclear bomb across both our borders.' Think about it, 3 million illegal immigrants, heroin and cocaine by the tons, and now a report that further says it is so bad in some areas orange cones are used like scarecrows with no border patrol presence at all.

Unbelievable. We have soldiers vaccinating dogs in Haiti, while terrorists can bring nukes across our border. Beam me up here. Who master-minded this policy? The Proctologist Association of North America?

Mr. Speaker, I yield back a disaster waiting to happen on the borders of the United States of America with a Congress sleeping at the switch.

Mr. Speaker, yesterday it was $40 billion, today they are talking $150 billion at Camp David. Unbelievable.

While the White House continues to oppose a tax cut for married couples in America, the White House is literally throwing money around at Camp David like confetti, like cotton candy at a summer festival.

Beam me up, Mr. Speaker, I believe this is a flawed and dangerous policy. The bottom line, a true, lasting and enduring peace will never be built on a foundation of dollars in the first place. I yield back the auction at Camp David.

Mr. Speaker, leaders Barak and Arafat and President Clinton have been discussing peace in the Middle East for days. But something does not add up to me. Are they discussing peace, or dollars?

Reports now say that American taxpayers may be asked to cough up more than $40 billion to get this agreement signed. Unbelievable. What started out as a peace agreement has turned into a sort of dial for dollars lottery. What is next, Monty Hall?

Beam me up, Mr. Speaker. Dollars never have nor ever will result in a lasting peace. I yield back the fact that we already spend $20 billion every year in grants, loans, and aid in the Middle East. Think about that.

Something is wrong, Mr. Speaker. China has already stolen our nuclear secrets; and what they have not stolen, the White House has given to them, specifically, supercomputer and satellite technology that enhances China's missile program, and they have missiles pointed at us.

Now, if that is not enough to download your hard drive, news reports now confirm that the White House will allow private sector high-tech companies to hire Chinese scientists involved with their military technologies.

Beam me up. What is next? Will we give China our Star Wars umbrella?  Mr. Speaker, I yield back both the danger and the stupidity of this charity to China.

Mr. Speaker, let us see if this makes sense: Uncle Sam gives billions to Russia, Russia uses our money to build missiles and warships, Russia then sells those missiles and warships to China, China then aims those Russian-made missiles, built with American cash, back at Uncle Sam.

Now, if that is not enough to ignite our plutonium, Uncle Sam is about to give more billions to Russia. I ask, is Uncle Sam a masochist or what, here? The truth is, the policy `Trust but Verify' has turned into `Pay and Pray.'

Beam me up. I yield back China's buying and spying and Russia's crying and lying.

Madam Speaker, the courts have struck again. First, it is now perfectly legal to jab scissors into the brain of a full-term baby being delivered until the baby dies; second, Internet pornography is now perfectly legal, even for kids.

Think about it. The courts have ruled Communists can work in our defense plants, full-term babies can be killed, pornography, even for kids, is legal; but you cannot pray in school.

Beam me up. No wonder America is confused and screwed up.

I yield back the brains of these judges that evidently they have been sitting on for a long time.

Mr. Speaker, on March 23 in my district a 12-year-old boy took a loaded gun to school. Thank God, no one was hurt. But guess what, Mr. Speaker. The gun had a trigger lock. The boy simply searched for and found the key and, bingo, the gun was at school.

So I checked out this trigger lock business and uncovered a General Accounting Office report that says trigger locks are only effective for children under 6 years of age.

Six-year-old criminals? Beam me up, Mr. Speaker.

I assure my colleagues, no 6-year-old will mug them at 3 o'clock in the morning. It is not about trigger locks. It is about enforcing the gun laws we already have.

Mr. Speaker, I yield back what is left of our decimated second amendment rights.

Mr. Speaker, the Tax Code is unAmerican. It is also so big it would give King Kong a hernia. But the bad stuff is evident. The Tax Code rewards dependency, subsidizes illegitimacy, kills jobs, and chases companies overseas.

Now, if that is not enough to overload your hard drives, check this out: Experts say that the Tax Code is needed because it modifies economic behavior.

Beam me up.  If the Founders wanted to modify economic behavior, they would have contracted with Sigmund Freud to write the Tax Code.

I yield back the ego, the id, and the super ego of our kinky Tax Code.

Mr. Speaker, today Congress will debate two bills. The first bill is partial birth abortions. The second bill is wildlife and sport fish restoration.

Unbelievable. Kill the babies but save the trout and the tit mouse. Beam me up. In fact, beam me up, Scotty.

See, I believe that Congress and America can and should save both the babies and the wildlife. Think about it.

I yield back an old street saying: Only in America, Mr. Speaker.

Mr. Speaker, the Mexican drug cartel crossed our border and opened fire on our security forces. Reports say the Mexican drug barons have placed a $200,000 bounty on any American border guard. Think about it. If these assassins kill five American guards, they make $1 million. If that is not enough to bust your buns, Mexico apologized by saying it was very, quote-unquote, regrettable.

Beam me up. It is time to secure our borders. If our military can vaccinate dogs in Haiti, they can secure our borders.

I yield back the fact that Congress keeps turning the other cheek, and Mexican drug barons are now servicing all four cheeks. Think about it.

Mr. Speaker, this month the Occupational Safety and Health Administration announced that American homes are dangerous and a hazard to workers who work in their own home.

Now, if that is not enough to bust your subdermal hematoma, check this out: employers who allow their own employees to work out of their own homes are now liable if their employee gets hurt in their very own home.

Beam me up. What is next? Will husbands be fined for an aggressive honeymoon in their very own home?

I recommend that Congress ship OSHA to Japan and China, and let them screw those countries up.