How Did I Make It This Long?

Recently, I celebrated the 59th anniversary of my birth day. While reflecting upon the activities of my youth and my gradual advance to extreme maturity, the thought occurred to me, "How did I make it this long?" In this day of our loving and benevolent government, which insists, or really DEMANDS, on caring for us from cradle to grave with its innumerable and boundless laws, rules, regulations, bureaucracies, agents, agencies, cabinets and countless taxes specifically designed to control behavior and social structure, I actually lived and functioned as a reasonably normal person long before the vast majority of these items became effective. It's hard to believe I survived! Here are just a few of the reckless, life-threatening and socially irresponsible activities I committed:

I rode a bicycle without a helmet

I fished in a boat without a life preserver

I slept in the woods without a permit

I exploded firecrackers

I rode in a car without a seat belt

I rode in a car without air bags

I ate soft-boiled eggs

I ate rare beef

I drank milk straight from a cow

I smoked cigarettes for 20 years

I quit smoking without government assistance

I learned to read, write and count before the National Education Association was formed

Every school day began with the Pledge of Allegiance and a prayer

When I misbehaved at school, my teachers spanked me

When I misbehaved at home, my father spanked me

When I misbehaved at the playground, my friends punched me

Mom provided my school lunch

I told ethnic jokes

I was the butt of ethnic jokes

Every job I've ever had, I found

I've never received a government check (other than a refund of overpaid taxes)

I worked and paid for my own college education

I perused Playboy and didn't read the articles

I've owned guns for 48 years

And more

All this, and I'm still alive. My parents worked very hard instilling values that today seem old fashioned and out-dated. Values like, respect other peoples property, respect the elderly, don't lie, don't cheat, work hard, pay your bills, accept your responsibility. In spite of the above activities, I grew up and survived without many of the benefits of government protection, welfare and assistance.