ALL ABOUT FARTS
What makes farts stink?
The odor of farts comes from small amounts of hydrogen sulfide gas and
mercaptans
in the mixture. These compounds contain sulfur. Nitrogen-rich compounds
such
as skatole and indole also add to the stench of farts. The more
sulfur-rich
your diet, the more sulfides and mercaptans will be produced by the
bacteria
in your guts, and the more your farts will stink. Foods such as
cauliflower,
eggs and meat are notorious for producing smelly farts, whereas beans
produce
large amounts of not particularly stinky farts.
Why are stinky farts generally warmer and quieter than regular
farts?
Most fart gas comes from swallowed air and consists largely of nitrogen
and
carbon dioxide, the oxygen having been absorbed by the time it reaches
the
anal opening. These gases are odorless, although they often pick up
other
(and more odiferous) components on the way through the bowel. They
emerge
from the anus in fairly large bubbles at body temperature. A person can
often
achieve a good sound with these voluminous farts, but they are commonly
(but
not always!) mundane with respect to odor, and don't feel particularly
warm.
Another major source of fart gas is bacterial action. Bacterial
fermentation
and digestion processes produce heat as a byproduct as well as various
pungent
gases. The resulting bubbles of gas tend to be small, hot, and
concentrated
with stinky bacterial metabolic products. These emerge as the
notorious,
warm, SBD (Silent-But-Deadly), often in amounts too small to produce a
good
sound, but excelling in stench.
How much gas does a normal person pass per day?
On average, a person produces about half a liter of fart gas per day,
distributed
over an average of about fourteen daily farts. Whereas it may be
difficult
for you to determine your daily flatus volume, you can certainly keep
track
of your daily numerical fart count. You might try this as a science
fair
project: Keep a journal of everything you eat and a count of your
farts.
You might make a note of the potency of their odor as well. See if you
can
discover a relationship between what you eat, how much you fart, and
how
much they smell.
How long does it take fart gas to travel to someone else's nose?
Fart travel time depends on atmospheric conditions such as humidity,
temperature
and wind speed and direction, the molecular weight of the fart
particles,
and the distance between the fart transmitter and the fart receiver.
Farts
also disperse (spread out) as they leave the source, and their potency
diminishes
with dilution. Generally, if the fart is not detected within a few
seconds,
it will be too dilute for perception and will be lost into the
atmosphere
forever. Exceptional conditions exist when the fart is released into a
small
enclosed area such as an elevator, a small room, or a car. These
conditions
limit the amount of dilution possible, and the fart may remain in a
smellable
concentration for a long period of time, until it condenses on the
walls.
Why is there a 13 to 20 second delay between farting and the time it
starts to smell?
Actually, the fart stinks immediately upon emergence, but it takes
several
seconds for the odor to travel to the farter's nostrils. If farts could
travel
at the speed of sound, we would smell them almost instantly, at the
same
time we hear them.
Is it true that some people never fart?
No, not if they're alive. People even fart shortly after death.
Do men enjoy farts more?
Yes, most men take more pride in it than most women. There is a large
variation
among individuals in the amount of fart gas produced per day, but the
variation
does not correlate with gender. I have read that men fart more often
than
women. If this is true, then women must be saving it up and expelling
more
gas per fart than men do.
Do men's farts smell worse than women's farts?
Based on what I have experienced of women's farts, all I can say is
that I hope not.
At what time of day is a gentleman most likely to fart?
A gentleman is mostly likely to fart first thing in the morning, while
in
the bathroom. This is known as "morning thunder," and if the gentleman
gets
good resonance, it can be heard throughout the household.
Why are beans so notorious for making people fart?
Beans contain sugars that we humans cannot digest. When these sugars
reach
our intestines, the bacteria go wild, have a big feast, and make lots
of
gas! Other notorious fart producing foods include corn, bell peppers,
cabbage,
milk, and raisins. A friend of mine had a dog who was exceptionally
fond
of apples and turnips. The dog would eat these things and then get
prodigious
gas. A dog's digestive system is not equipped to handle such vegetable
matter,
so the dog's bacteria worked overtime to produce remarkable flatulence.
What things other than diet can make a person fart more than usual?
People who swallow a lot of air fart more than people who don't. This
can
be cured somewhat by chewing with your mouth closed. Nervous people
with
fast moving bowels will fart more because less air is absorbed out of
the
intestines. Some disease conditions can cause excess flatulence. And
going
up in an airplane or other low-pressure environment can cause the gas
inside
you to expand and emerge as flatulence.
Is a fart really just a burp that comes out the wrong end?
No, a burp emerges from the stomach and has a different chemical
composition
from a fart. Farts have less atmospheric gas content and more bacterial
gas
content than burps.
Is it harmful to hold in farts?
There are differences in opinion on this one. Certainly, people have
believed
for centuries that retaining flatulence is bad for the health. Emperor
Claudius
even passed a law legalizing farting at banquets out of concern for
people's
health. There was a widespread belief that a person could be poisoned
or
catch a disease by retaining farts. Doctors I have spoken to recently
have
told me that there is no particular harm in holding in farts. Farts
will
not poison you; they are a natural component of your intestinal
contents.
The worst thing that can happen is that you may get a stomach ache from
the
gas pressure. But one doctor suggested that pathological distention of
the
bowel could result if a person holds in farts too much.
How long would it be possible to not fart?
As I understand it, a captive fart can escape as soon as the person
relaxes.
This means that a lot of people who refrain from farting during the day
do
so at great length as soon as they fall asleep. Having been on a great
many
overnight field trips, long bus trips, and transpacific flights, I can
personally
vouch for the fact that lots of people do fart voluminously as they
doze
off. So the answer to the question would be, you can refrain from
farting
as long as you can stay awake!
Do all people fart in their sleep?
I have not made a scientific study of this, but I don't think all
people
fart in their sleep. I think mainly those who refuse to fart when
they're
awake do so when dozing off. For other people, toilet training takes
such
a strong hold that they let nothing pass their sphincters in sleep. For
these
people, the gas accumulates in the night and they vent it upon
awakening.
Where do farts go when you hold them in?
How often have you held in a fart, intending to release it at the first
appropriate
opportunity, only to find that the fart has disappeared when you are
ready
for it? I asked several doctors where the fart goes. Does it leak out
slowly
without the person knowing it? Is it absorbed into the bloodstream?
What
happens to it? The doctors agree that the fart is neither released nor
absorbed.
It simply migrates back upward into the intestine and comes out later.
It
is reassuring to know that such farts aren't really lost, just delayed.
How can one cover up a fart?
There is a company called Fartypants that sells underwear designed to
absorb
the odor of farts. If you should be caught without your Fartypants,
another
ploy is to blame the dog or cat, if one should be present, or complain
about
how the wind must be blowing from the direction of the paper mill. As
for
the sound... if you are in a large group of people, act oblivious and
innocent,
or glance quickly at the person next to you, as if you think he/she did
it.
Other strategies include coughing or suddenly moving your chair so that
people
think that they misheard the fart. If you are with one other person,
you
can act as if nothing happened, and the other person may believe he was
mistaken
in thinking he heard a fart. CJT addresses the problem of farting
loudly
in a public restroom as follows: "My solution: use a handful of loose
toilet
paper, cover your butthole and it will muffle the farting; my friends
and
I call it the 'Buff. Depending upon the company, another strategy is
not
to cover it up, but to proudly proclaim the fart as your own grand
accomplishment
and to issue a challenge to the others to outdo that one if they think
they
can.
Is it really possible to ignite farts?
The answer to that is YES! (Armageddon, Armageddon!) However, you
should
be aware that people get injured igniting flatulence. Not only can the
flame
back up into your colon, but your clothing or other surroundings may
catch
on fire. A survey done by Fartcloud (the site, alas! is no more)
indicates
that about a quarter of the people who ignited their farts got burned
doing
it. Ignition of flatulence is a hazardous practice. However, if you
want
to try it, and you don't have a friend to light your fart for you, you
might
find it easier to accomplish the job using the Fartlighter. There have
also
been cases in which intestinal gases with a higher than normal oxygen
content
have exploded during surgery when electric cautery was used by the
surgeon.
